sleepless

so, I have been up for the last hour and 15 min having contractions anywhere between 5 and 9 minutes...more than that is a restless mind..(is this the big day,is it not? i just want to fall asleep just in case it's not but my body wont' let me) The contractions are not fun but not horrible.. and I wish I only KNEW if this was labor or not. I know of women who last weeks with braxton hicks like this. I'm just waiting to see if the pain begins to intensify-which oddly I'm a little anxious for, but I know I won't be once I'm there (if I even get there today).

Life has been good. John was out of town for a week on a missions trip in Jamaica. Blessed to have a husband who loves God and desires to Share the gospel of Jesus with others. We sure missed him while he was gone though.

Hayden is a "busy" girl. ALWAYS on the go. She has become better as listening to us. She has become even more "lovey" in her words. I.e. she will randomly say "mom, love you" or "mom, miss you." the funny one are when she out of nowhere says " sorry mom" in this cute littel voice as if she is not really sure what she is sorry about (and most the time doesn't even make eye contact when she says it). It's cute. We love her so much.

It's kinda scary knowing we are adding another to the mix. I know most parents go through this. Will I have enough love to go around? Will my first child feel unloved or not given enough attention to? But I know (having lots of bro's and sis' myself) that we all get past it and having sibling is one of the best blessings in life-thus we are happy and excited to give that experience to Hayden.

It's been a while

So, it' s been a long while since I posted last. But LOTS has taken place.
Hayden is growing SO much. I cry whenever I hear that song (country of course :-)) that says "It won't be like this for long." AAGGHH.. hits right to the heart of a parent. I think mother's in particular ;-) She is a little girl, a toddler yes, but not a "baby" any more. When did that happen?! She is potty training, which is going pretty well, but we have our "accidents"-taking off her diaper and "going" on the floor. She is a joy in our lives and we thank God for her every day.
She has learned SO many words in the past 3 weeks, or more so, has learned to say them. "mickey", "boot", "happy," and So many more that seem to come out of nowhere. She's a smart little one.
As far as pregnancy goes, its been great. I'm anxious to meet this little girl who kicks me all the time. I can't help but wonder what she will look like? I mean, we already have a little girl, so how will this one be different?What will her temperment be like? What will labor be like with her? How will Hayden respond to having a little sister who takes up much of mommy's time?
Our family is about to become a family of 4!!!! Crazy! I'm still a little nervous about getting sleep after she is born. I mean after one is rough, but when they nurse at 6am and go back to sleep until 8 or 9 it's great. But now with two, and hayden getting up by 7am, I HAVE to be up, no matter what my night the night before looked like with the baby! Scary? I think the word sleep deprived will gain new meaning?
I'm learning a lot and growing deeper in my walk with God. He's teaching me, as he has many time before-but i'm finally "getting it", all the good he wants for me. He is a king with abundant love and blessings to give and wants to give it to me. I love Him for loving me. Every week when I take Hayden down to Sunday School there is hand drawn mural of Jesus embracing this little child ( like a mother who is holding her child that she has not seen all day- full of love and never wanting to let go of that child). When I see that picture each time I put myself in that picture with His arms around me, loving me as his own child. It's precious to me. You can't outgrow being a child of God. God is teaching me and molding me right now. I"m learning to be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to anger. It's for sure a battle, but it's exciting to change for the glory of God.
Marriage is good. John and I have had a few heart to hearts these past few months, discussing changes to be made in our marriage. It's good to recognize things that can become a wall between you, and as John and I say "kick a brick," so that wall doesn't build. I'm excited to step into bringing a new baby home with him again. That was for sure a magical time.

new thoughts.

Thanksgiving was great. We went to Rick's and had a great lunch. Uncle Alex is into rave/techno music and continued to play it.. surprisingly Hayden LOVED It, asking him for "more and more" after each song would end.. she LOVES to dance and showed off her special moves. It is so stinkin cute. We later went to John's family and had MORE food. It was great to be with family. We are very blessed in this life.

ON a different note, it might sound bah humbug , but i have really begun to have a different outlook on Christmas. Of course we know that "Jesus is the reason for the Season." But let's be honest, Christmas,for most, has turned into a time of giving presents out. I LOVE presents, and I LOVE giving them, but I really love giving and getting them when it is not a "forced" occasion. We all know there are people that you know you have to buy a present for and vice versus, because it would just look thoughtless if you didn't. But when ends up happening is you end up broke, all for the sake of having to give gifts. Is that making sense? I guess I'm just saying, i feel like gifts should come from the heart at a time that one feels compelled to go and get something for someone; not because they have 1 day left until they family gathers and they have to buy something for "aunt Jo" or whomever, to complete the family with presents.

John and I decided this year we really didn't need anything. There is an organization called World Vision (http://www.worldvision.org/). This organization goes into countries who have little resources to food, education and most importantly Jesus. They use this ministrty to teach the communites how to dig for clean water, and how to create crops and food that will last them for long periods. They are creating a new way of life that is helpful and healthy to families. They also help with children's education. All the while this ministry allows Wolrd Visiont to share the Grace Jesus with families and communites. You can actually go online and donate money (in ANY amount, $10 to $5000 if you wanted). the best part is you can actually donate (through a monetary donation) chickens or a child's education. The chickens grow and lay more eggs giving families a long term supply of food. You can donate this stuff in "honor of a family" , i.e. Riley Family. isn't that wonderful! We are truly blessed. Our God has supplied our every need, love, his grace, family, a home, food, and much more.. SHould we not supply that to others instead of spending money on gifts for some people who probably don't need what we gave them? I just picture Hayden as one of these children having no education, only the outfit on her back and looking for food anywhere and everywhere...BREAKS my heart. Anyways, its just my thoughts.

here are some recent pictures.

Halloween

We spent our Halloween in San Diego visiting some friends (Ryan and Rachelle). We had a blast and it was great seeing them. I will post pictures of Hayden's Adorable monster costume soon! We went to the zoo for a few hours.. Hayden was surprisingly un-amazed by the animals. However, when the bears started to play fight she livened up a bit. Maybe next year she will like it better.. Thanks Joann for the tickets (she is a major donor the the Panda exhibit and always hooks us up with zoo tickets!) we really appreciate it!

Can't think of a title

I haven't blogged in a WHILE.....life has been busy. I've been doing A LOT of photography (portraits and such). This has been great! Not only do I get to induldge in my hobby, but I'm making money as well! Hayden got the flu for the first time, throwing up and everything... NOT fun.. Poor child, and then I left her to go on a women's retreat. I felt SO bad, but John took care of her. SHe has had HUGE seperation anxiety since I got home.

Retreat was great though. A huge break through for me in my relationship with God. I was able to finally embrace His grace in areas of my life, areas that I wasn't really aware that I had yet to embrace. It is SO freeing! Also, had a Rockin time with the girls! We did the zipline (in Forest Home). I will for sure make this an every year trip!

Hayden is growing up so fast. She has pigtails now, she looks so much like a toddler-which is adorable and yet sad for me at the same time. She is Miss Independent. She does not like to be confined to anything or anyone for too long a period. She likes to roam and explore.

I LOVE LOVE going into her room in the morning (despite the sometimes 6am wakeup) and see her grinning face, just standing there in her crib waiting to be picked up! Melts my heart! here are some pics from the past month!

septembre...

September was nothing out of the ordinary... spent lots of evenings at the park with Hayden...she's a hoot...here are some pics!

crusin along

so.. i haven't written in a while.. haven't really seem to found any time to do so. The beginning of this month we went on a week long cruise with John his family. WE had an ok time but it wasn't that easy with a baby on board with us. They did not have a lot of "kid friendly" activities. Thus we spent much of our day walking up and down the hallways of the ship. It was, however, nice to just get away! Hayden took her first REAL fall off the bed. She was like an olympic gymnast with the flips she did on her way off the bed :-( Poor baby. First time for eveything right?

I"m missing my family a lot. It is really hard being married with a kid and your family not being able to share in on that daily/weekly. I try to send youtube videos to keep them updated with Hayden, but in the end its just not the same. We're trying to pick some dates to go back and visit. here are some pics from the cruise!